Forced Furlough

I have driven myself away from the softly-undulating Wiltshire countryside that means so much to me, and spend over three-quarters of my time, exiled, in the flat fens south of the Humber. The East wind sweeps in from the North Sea and goes right through my clothes, flesh and bones, all the way to my soul, and my conscience has caught a cold. I've been in this part of the country before, and have some mixed memories that I had forgotten I'd forgotten.

The village I am lodging in is mostly modern, a few old brick buildings for a post-office and pub surrounded by late-sixties stone or rendered bungalows with large clumsy chimneys, scattered around a river that is nothing but a savage gash in the ground. The ducks clustered around the bridge across it look as though they are there serving community orders for bad-behaviour elsewhere. There is a sign beside the bridge saying "please do NOT feed the Ducks"; if W.C.Fields had passed by he would have scribbled "it makes them shit everywhere" at the bottom.

I have no satellite TV. That might be a blessing, since I hardly ever watch the one I've got when I'm home, but it was there if I wanted to watch Dead Like Me, and now I have to try and get interested in the Apprentice, or Desperate Housewives. I have three takeaways to choose from, Indian, Chinese, or good old Fish and Chips. Is there a Sushi bar nearby? I should think not. I have no e-mail or usenet connections, not even web access, and can only scribble pages into my laptop to blog when I get let out for a too-short weekend.

For the time being, I must accept severe restrictions on everything I have come to enjoy. No internet access. No pets to play games with or laugh at. No partner to wind up or be nagged by, and I can’t remember how long it is since I slept alone for this length of time. Work is noisy, dirty, and completely male-oriented. It's like being in prison, although as someone sweetly pointed out to me, without the sodomy. So, I might be banished, bored, and bloody-minded, but at least I'm not buggered. And I'm doing this for money, by the way, this is not a career move at all.